July 19, 2015 at 8:34 am #2103Lucy2015Participant
My husband and I married in 2002, when I was 29. Although we had known each other before, we had only been together 18 months and were enjoying life, work, living together and getting to know each other. I remember being really surprised by the amount of people who, following our wedding, immediately started asking me when we were going to have children. I felt like I had joined some club where the entry rules clearly stated child 1 must be born within 2 years of marriage. I lost my father just before meeting my husband which was a very traumatic period of my life, it was therefore even more important to me to enjoy our new life together and embrace happiness.
However, years flew by and we hadn’t been using contraception so realised there might be a problem. By this stage, I was 34/35 and we both really wanted a family. Following medical investigation we discovered that it was highly unlikely we would fall pregnant without help.
Following a couple of IVF cycles and a miscarriage, our much longed for daughter was born. I fell pregnant at 37, enjoyed being pregnant and my husband and I were overjoyed at our little miracle, life felt complete.
I was definitely not prepared for how difficult motherhood is. I couldn’t believe how eternally tired I was (our daughter was a terrible sleeper), nothing prepares you. All consumed in being a new parents we did not think about having a second. Relieved to have our little girl and taking every blurry day as it came, was enough to think about. Then, when she turned 2 and many of my friends were pregnant with their second, I started to feel the need for a second child. There were several reasons running through my head, firstly and most importantly, did our daughter need a sibling, how could we deny her that; would I feel complete……. I had always imagined having more than 1 child, hearing them laugh, argue, a bit of family chaos thrown in, bundles on the bed and ultimately them having each other.
My husband was very happy with our little miracle and felt complete. He did not want me to have go through IVF again but would support me if it was something I had to do. I therefore tried 1 cycle which failed. I wanted to be able to tell our daughter that we had tried to give her a sibling if the question should ever arise.
Since then I have fully embraced the benefits of having one child and there are many. Our daughter has a great life, we have time to be with her, we can afford holidays, we can be more spontaneous in our little family unit, we explore life together. I do have wobbles and I still sometimes yearn for a second but this is life and you need to embrace it and discover the benefits to the situation you are presented with.
July 20, 2015 at 7:35 am #2104mumofoneKeymaster
Thank you so much for posting Your Story here. It resonated with me massively from marrying at 29, not starting a family right away, the stresses of IVF intervention even to falling pregnant at 37 to then finding motherhood hard, however desperately wanted it was. Reading it again now gives me goosebumps, makes me teary and yet joyful to read stories of other women who went through identical experiences and reminds me how lucky I am to have our son. We too wondered about having another but as my son starting crawling and moving and I got more not less tired I knew I didn’t have it in me to look after another nor did I want to spend another 4 years chasing something and potentially not getting it as I nudged 40 (I am now 41) but to get off that (not so) merry-go-round and embrace what I have. Best decision I ever made and I don’t really wobble but do feel sadness that his extended family will be smaller when he becomes an adult as I am one of 6 and my husband one of 4 so have an enormous family and my son won’t experience that joy when he is older. But, he will create his own network and family and we are lucky that he has 6 cousins and counting so he has family in other ways. Thanks so much again for posting x
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